


Human Disaster Kylo (working title)

by nosecrinkle



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bookstores, Getting Together, Historians, Human Disaster Kylo Ren, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:19:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16030043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosecrinkle/pseuds/nosecrinkle
Summary: Kylo Ren is an untrained employee at an independent bookstore. Life is fine and dandy (aside from the existential dread and crushing social awkwardness) untilhecomes along. Theprofessor.





	1. First Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> The fic has an accompanying playlist, if you're into that sort of thing: [link to playlist on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7aY1lAw3HKTkzVSgay4rNp).
> 
> Moodboard: [link to image](https://66.media.tumblr.com/b4e74de6dfd2408223413445ec1a6329/tumblr_pjouqyJVIs1xv5wwxo1_r2_1280.pnj) / [link to post on tumblr](https://nosecrinklewrites.tumblr.com/post/181088033600/) / [link to post on twitter](https://twitter.com/nosecrinkles/status/1108450736554291200)

Posture bad as ever, Kylo was bent over the counter, pen clutched between his fingers, checking the contents of a package with the delivery note, making sure nothing was missing from the order. He had no awareness of the space around him, the sounds of customers and colleagues alike fading into a hum at the edge of his consciousness.

Kylo startled when a hand entered his field of vision without preamble, making him draw a harsh line across the delivery note.

”I ordered a book,” the owner of the hand said.

Kylo didn't look up. Underneath the hand was an order slip, covering Kylo's list. Most people would simply go home and order a book online if the store didn't have it. A handful of the regular customers – old people – ordered books in, but they always came around in the mornings. Kylo never worked mornings. He had never had to handle an order slip before.

The fingers twitched minutely. The hand was pale and slim, and most noticeably, heavily tattooed. The ink on the fingers looked old, faded. A black compass was covering the back of the hand. It was distracting and making it near impossible for Kylo to read the order.

”Uhh,” he said, intelligently.

The owner of the hand huffed quietly. ”You work here, yes?”

Kylo cleared his throat and looked up slowly. And then up some more. The guy was tall. Taller than expected – maybe taller than Kylo? Kylo was hunched over the counter, so he couldn't tell for sure. Kylo couldn't stop his eyes from wandering. A crisp white shirt and fitted black slacks were a harsh contrast to the tattoos.

”Are you a new hire? They haven't taught you this yet?”

Kylo became flustered and attempted to speak, ”I, I mean, I'm not? New. I'm not new. I know how– I'll go get it. I'll … I'll be back.” Kylo grabbed the slip of paper from the tattooed hand and ran toward the stock room.

” _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_ ,” Kylo muttered, while digging through the special book orders. Fuck, he'd left his glasses in his other pants, shit. No wonder his head hurt.

He squinted at the small print on the note and the, luckily, bigger print on the spines. Kylo didn't register the title of the book before he held it in his hands. ”French warships in the sixteen hundreds – _what_?”

The man was sharply dressed. Looked like he belonged behind a desk in a skyscraper somewhere.

Kylo hestitated for a moment. His curiosity got the better of him and he logged in to the nearest computer. If people ordered books in, they typically had an entry in the system.

Locating the name at the top of the slip, Kylo muttered as he typed, ”H-U-X.”

God, the list was long. Books upon books about ships, like the one Kylo was still cradling. He glanced at the prices and nearly dropped the book. This man had been buying books every month since … August, the previous year.

Either he had a very expensive hobby, or the books were part of his work. Knowing shit about ships from hundreds of years ago was a job?

Frowning, Kylo logged out of the computer and headed back to the floor. He paused behind a shelf and granted himself a moment to look at the man.

The man was beautiful. Fair, tall, slim, and so very pale. His suit looked tailored. The jacket was off and folded over his arm.

Kylo mentally kicked himself and walked back to the counter. ”Want me to ring it up for you? Sir?” He cringed and bit his tongue. Kylo never called anyone _sir._

The man – _Hux,_ his order slip said – looked at him for a moment, then snapped his fingers, reaching for the book.

”Hand it over.”

”What?” Kylo unconsciously held the book tighter.

”I'm not paying for a damaged book, let me check the condition.” The man snapped his fingers again.

”I– Okay,” Kylo said and gently handed it over.

The man thoroughly checked for any scratches or tears, ran his fingers along the spine. The book was brand new; Kylo frowned deeper. But then again, if you were to drop $100 on a book, it was probably worth checking over.

 _God,_ $100. That was so much. Kylo didn't buy books exceeding $20 – even with his employee discount.

The man – _Hux_ , Kylo kept reminding himself _–_ thrust the book at Kylo's chest.

”Is it okay?”

”Yes, I'll take it.”

Kylo nodded and fumbled entirely too long with the register, typing the sign-in code wrong four times before getting it right.

At least the man was patient. He merely pulled his card out of his fancy little leather card holder and waited for Kylo to be done. He swiped his card and tugged it away neatly, slipping it back into his pocket.

”Would you like a bag, sir?” Kylo bit his tongue again.

The ma– Hux pulled a fabric totebag out of the inner pocket of his jacket and handed it to Kylo.

While fumbling with the bag, Kylo thought about how maybe Hux was one of those environmentally conscious people. Maybe he had a reusable coffee cup.

Kylo folded the receipt neatly and tucked it into first page of the book, behind the hard cover. Frowning at himself, Kylo handed the tote over, hands shaking a bit.

”Thank you,” Hux said, nodded shortly and left.

Kylo exhaled harshly and sagged against the wall behind him. How had he not met Hux before? He'd been working at the shop for well over two years, and Hux had apparently been shopping there for almost a year.

Kylo ran his hands through his hair and sighed, ”I'm so gay.”

”I know,” Doph said next to him.

”Shut up,” Kylo whined.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

A gentle threat of violence later, Doph told Kylo that Mr. Hux usually came by on Tuesday mornings.

After some pathetic begging on Kylo's part, Jessika agreed to change shifts.

Tuesday morning was hell. Waking up had always been a struggle for Kylo. Doph had called him useless and parked him in the back room, while he opened the store.

”I don't understand what you expect to get out of this,” Doph said, hands on his hips.

Kylo was scuffing his shoes on the floor, nursing a can of energy drink. He shrugged his shoulders and pointedly avoided eye contact.

”I thought you gay guys were more put together than this,” Doph sighed.

Kylo glared at him. ”Doph. You have a boyfriend.”

”Doesn't make me gay.”

”What does that even _mean_?”

Doph waved him off. ”You awake enough for the register, or should I go grab a mop and you can pretend like you're cleaning the kids' section?”

”I'll do the register,” Kylo pouted.

  
  


–

  
  


Hux came in around 10, even more handsome than Kylo remembered.

Instead of a suit, Hux was dressed in dark grey slacks and a floral dress shirt. The base color was white, the fabric rather delicate. Shadows were showing through, hinting at more tattoos.

Kylo tried to be subtle, but being ten feet tall and not spacially aware of his own limbs made that rather difficult. He dutifully stayed behind the counter, but tracked Hux's stroll around the store whenever possible.

Hux didn't appear to be looking for anything specific, merely walking around, looking at the selection available. He came close to the register a few times and Kylo had to try very hard not to blush at the sheer proximity.

Glancing over his shoulder, Hux asked, ”Is Jessika around?”

Kylo had to peel his eyes away from Hux's backside. ”Hm?”

”Jessika,” Hux repeated.

”Oh! No, she uhh– No, I'm covering for her. She had a … thing.” Kylo cleared his throat and took a deep breath, ”I can help you?”

”Is that a question or a statement?”

Kylo blushed to the roots of his hair. ”Can I? Help you?”

Hux looked him up and down, clearly not very impressed with Kylo's … anything.

”Jessika mentioned you'd be getting a new batch of poetry – has it arrived?”

Kylo shook his head, ”Don't think so, no. But, uhh, the poetry section is over there,” he said and pointed. Which, why? The man had been a regular customer for a year, Kylo, _God_.

”I'm aware,” Hux didn't look impressed – which made sense, since Kylo had been ogling the clingy fabric of his slacks, while Hux was browsing the poetry section.

_For fuck sake, Kylo._

It was like being fifteen again. Crushing on all the handsome older men his mom always brought home for family dinners. She was always trying to convince people how much of a homemaker she was, despite the fact that Kylo's dad was the only one who ever did anything around the house.

”We, uhm, we only got a box of foreign books. Yesterday.”

Hux looked oddly pleased. ”So they did arrive! The translations are never any good.”

”… what?”

”The poetry – I was referring to the originals. Jessika mentioned a few collections I might be interested in. They're French, so they should be there.”

Oh, Holy Hell, the man read French. Smart, pretentious and asshole had been Kylo's type since he was prepubescent. Damn his mom and all her politician friends.

”I could … I could go look? If you want?”

”Please do.”

Kylo bolted.

He had to sit down and put his head between his knees for a few moments. The shipment from the day before had been unpacked and counted, the books lying in neat piles in the stock room. From his spot on the floor, Kylo could just about make out the titles along the spines. He plucked his glasses from where they were hanging from his collar and slipped them on.

Most of the titles were Spanish, but three of them looked French. Kylo didn't speak French, but it _looked_ like French. He put his glasses back on his collar, grabbed one of each and headed back to the counter, where Hux was waiting.

Kylo nearly tripped in surprise, and proceeded to swallow his tongue at the sight of Hux rolling his shirt sleeves up. ”These– This is all I could find,” he muttered and held them out to Hux.

Hux slowly inspected the books, eyes moving rapidly over the blurps on the back.

”This is a novel,” he said and gave one of them back. A smile slowly tugged at his lips, as he leafed through one of the remaining books. ”This looks wonderful.”

”Oh,” Kylo said, shocked.

”Yes. I'll take them,” Hux almost looked delighted. ”Mind ringing me up?”

Kylo made a sound that startled the both of them.

Hux's brows creased, ”You alright?”

”I'm okay,” Kylo's voice cracked in the middle and went vaguely squeaky.

Hux looked sceptical, but apparently decided to let it slide. ”Would you mind letting Jessika know I bought these?”

”Why?” Kylo frowned. Oh God, he hoped Hux wasn't a creep. If he was bothering Jess, he'd have to kick his ass. _Please, don't be a creep._

”She's been helping me get back into reading for fun. Admittedly, I haven't been reading outside of my work for quite some time. She's been very helpful.”

Oh, thank _fuck._

”Yeah, I'll– I'll let her know.”

Hux brought his own bag again. This time it was a small nylon thing that could be folded up into a tiny square. Once again, Kylo folded the receipt neatly and tucked it into the front cover.

On his way out, with his hand on the door, Hux turned around and looked back. ”What's your name, by the way?”

”Me? It's, it's Kylo, sir.”

_Damnit, Kylo._

”See you later, Kylo,” Hux nodded and left.

Kylo curled over the counter and ran his fingers through his hair. ”Please, don't be straight,” he breathed.

”I can't believe you're an adult,” Doph said beside him, making him nearly scream in terror.

”Stop sneaking up on me, you _asshole!_ ”

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

It's wasn't a secret for long, how Kylo felt about Mr. Hux.

Doph was an asshole, but Jessika was surprisingly sweet about it. ”He is very handsome,” Jessika had agreed. ”Sweet, too.”

Jessika even told him that Hux was a _professor._ He taught at the local college. She didn't know if he was straight. ”Not everyone's a walking stereotype, Kylo.”

”I know, but– ”

”I mean, he is a bit,” Jessika waved her hand in a gesture Kylo didn't recognize, ”but I don't know. He's European, could go either way.”

  
  


–

  
  


It took several weeks for Kylo to gather enough courage to talk to Hux again. Everytime Kylo was ready, Hux didn't show. Kylo was broody by nature, so he wasn't acting different than usual, but his coworkers gave him shit for it anyway.

In mid September, the area was hit by an unexpected heatwave. The store was unbearably hot. The building was old and didn't have any kind of air conditioning. The employees and the poor costumers who stopped by, all huddled around the handful of fans Doph had been able to get his hands on.

Kylo figured Hux wouldn't come by the store. He didn't come in _every_ week anyway, so why would he come when it was too hot to be alive?

Oh, how wrong he was.

Working in a store with a bell over the door, meant that every employee developed a Pavlovian response to the sound.

Kylo glanced at the door at the sound of the bell – and there he was.

Hux looked fucking beautiful. He was wearing a button up, but the sleeves were _short_ , and the tails were _untucked._ He was even wearing shorts! The shorts were tailored and looked more like short slacks than anything, but they were still _shorts._

Kylo could see _everything._

The tattoos were _everywhere._

Hux greeted Jessika and nodded in Kylo's direction. Kylo knew he was gaping, but he couldn't stop. Hux laughed, but Kylo couldn't hear it over the rush of blood in his ears.

After regaining his hearing, Kylo left the counter to Jessika, heading in the direction Hux had gone. Hux had moved on from poetry to biographies recently. The biography section was small and secluded. Kylo was already regretting following him.

”Jess says you're a professor.”

Hux looked over his shoulder and replied, ”I am.”

”What do you teach?”

”History.”

”So, you're like, really smart?”

Hux smiled softly and shrugged, ”Suppose so.”

”I didn't know you could be a professor when you have all that,” Kylo rubbed his own arms.

Hux smirked. ”If you're good enough at what you do, you can look however you want,” he put the book he was leafing through back on the shelf and turned all his attention on Kylo. ”Besides, I can cover it up, if I have to.”

Kylo looked down, ”Your hands,” he said.

Hux hid them in his pockets and shrugged. ”I believe we all make mistakes in our twenties. Nothing gloves can't fix, though.”

”Do you stop making mistakes after thirty?” Kylo blurted without meaning to.

God, the sound of Hux's laugh was the best sound.

”No,” he shook his head. ”But easier to salvage, in my experience.”

Kylo doubted he would ever stop making mistakes. Horrible mistakes.

Hux seemed to consider him for a moment. ”What do you do? Do you do other things than this?” he gestured at the store at large. ”School?”

Kylo couldn't help but laugh. ”No, I'm …”

_Not smart enough._

_Not well enough._

”This is it.”

Hux hummed. ”I'm sorry, you probably graduated years ago – I can't quite tell how old you are.”

”I didn't,” Kylo shook his head, hair falling into his eyes. ”Was too busy trying not to kill myself to go.”

_Damnit, Kylo._

Kylo looked up, horrified. ”I'm _so_ sorry, sir, I– I didn't mean to– I'm gonna go.”

But he didn't get to. Hux had grabbed his arm, preventing him from running off. The grip was gentle. More of a gesture, really.

”Hey,” he said softly. ”If you truly want to leave, I won't stop you. But you don't have to.”

The look of sincerity on Hux's face made Kylo want to cry.

Kylo averted his eyes and cleared his throat a few times. ”I didn't mean to spring that on you. We're not– You don't know me well enough for that to be okay. I'm sorry.”

”Don't be.” Hux loosened his hold on Kylo's arm, but didn't remove his hand. ”How old are you?”

”Twenty-nine,” he said quietly. Incapable of stopping himself, he added on a ”sir.”

Hux smiled. It was a small, soft thing. ”I have to say, I thoroughly enjoy you calling me that.”

”I'm glad, 'cause I honestly don't think I can stop,” Kylo blushed.

There was that laugh again.

It was even better up close, where he could see the laughter lines around Hux's eyes.

After a moment of silence, Hux spoke up, ”I would like to order a book.”

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo never in a million years expected to run into Hux somewhere other than the bookstore. In Kylo's mind, Hux was an entity that only existed in that realm, not out in the same world as Kylo. Which was why it took a good five minutes of intense staring to come to the conclusion that the man at the farmers market was Hux.

Out of uniform.

Well, it wasn't technically a uniform, but his suits made Kylo think of uniforms. Always clean, always ironed and crisp.

It was like someone had copied and pasted Hux's head onto someone else's body. He was wearing a ratty knitted sweater, in a shade of dark grey that made his hair crazy orange. And _jeans._ Black, worn to death, actual denim _jeans._ One of the knees was worn through and he could see Hux's knee cap (which fucked him up more than anything else).

Kylo only ever came to the farmers market to buy big bags of burnt almonds (and pretended to contemplate what fruits and vegetables to buy, so people wouldn't suspect he ate as terribly as he did).

Hux looked like a goddamn hipster, just like everyone else in the vicinity.

Kylo was so lost in his own thoughts, he didn't notice Hux coming toward him. He barely even heard it when Hux greeted him.

”Hello, Kylo.”

Kylo blinked. ”You're wearing jeans.”

Hux laughed. ”I am.”

Kylo looked down. Hux was carrying what looked like a homemade totebag. The thought of Hux bent over a sewing machine shouldn't make his dick twitch as hard as it did – right?

His hair was loose around his face, and he brushed it out of his eyes every few minutes. His hands looked so _delicate_ , what the _fuck._

”You look well,” Hux said.

Which made no sense.

Kylo frowned.

”Your cheeks are pink,” Hux explained.

Kylo seriously considered insulting the man, just to make him stop smiling. Hux was so goddman beautiful and Kylo was a disaster, and already way too attached to his face.

”Well, it's, y'know, cold, so.”

”Yes, I feel chilly just looking at you! Is that really enough?” Hux asked and tugged on the elbow of Kylo's black denim jacket.

_Is this what a heart attack feels like?_

Kylo shuddered. ”Yeah, I– I run hot.”

”Why am I not surprised,” Hux chuckled. ”I'm wearing three layers and I'm barely staying warm.”

”You could go to one of the booths that grill stuff. Or Kanata's. They usually have fires burning this time of year,” Kylo suggested. Kanata's only did vegetarian stuff, which wasn't Kylo's favorite, but they always had fire pits in the winter season. He'd been dragged there by his dad a couple of times.

”Fire sounds amazing right about now – would you join me?”

”Excuse me?”

”Would you like to come? I'm sure I could find it on my own, but I'd rather you show me,” Hux smiled.

”I could … do that. Sure.”

Hux was downright delighted at Kanata's. He bought a piece of cake to go with his tea, and happily found a table by one of the pits. Hux was so relaxed and content and _right there._ Kylo didn't know what to do with himself.

Hux's sweater was just big enough for the sleeves to cover most of his hands. He had to push them up to keep the fibers out of his cake. If Kylo wasn't mistaken, he had the remnants of a tattoo in the palm of his hand. Black lines that didn't quite connect anymore.

Maybe Hux wasn't as polished as Kylo thought. Not as proper.

”You alright?”

”Hm?” Kylo said.

”You're spacing out,” Hux said, kindly.

”I just– You look really different.”

The smile on Hux's face dimmed slightly. ”Different how?”

”Human,” Kylo blurted and closed his eyes tightly. ”That came out wrong.”

Hux considered the statement for a beat. ”If this is human – what do I usually look like?”

”I don't … I don't know.”

”No, come on, say it. I won't be offended.” Hux didn't sound angry, per se, more like _daring_ Kylo to speak his mind.

”That's usually what people say right before they get offended,” Kylo muttered and stuck his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket, shoulders hunched up around his ears. ”You look– Perfect, alright? Like you've got your shit together and you know who you are and what you're worth and I have no idea what that feels like, so you intimidate the _shit_ out of me.”

”Oh.”

Kylo looked up in confusion. That didn't sound like anger. That didn't sound like anything, really.

”What do you mean, _oh_?” he frowned.

”I look like I've got it together? Really?” Hux asked and leaned in over the table, as if looking at Kylo from a shorter distance would somehow explain what Kylo was talking about.

Kylo didn't dare move.

”Is it– Have you looked at anything besides my clothing?”

Kylo opened his mouth to reply, but – he hadn't. Not really. The tattoos got most of his attention whenever they were visible, but.

”I … guess not?”

”Kylo, I'm not. I promise you, I'm not. Whatever you think I am, I'm not.”

”So you're not a super smart professor?” Kylo asked sceptically.

”I– ” Hux laughed softly. ”Okay, so that part's true, but I'm not this– this guy who's got it all figured out. I moved here about a year ago; before that? Never owned a suit.”

”Bull _shit_ ,” Kylo said. Hux looked like he was born wearing a suit. Just … not at the minute.

”I haven't! I'm an arsehole, Kylo. A punk and an arsehole; always have been. When I got the job offer, I decided to start over. Clean slate. I removed all my piercings, bought a suit for every day of the week, got a haircut. It's not often you get the chance to present yourself exactly how you want, so I went all out.”

Kylo gaped. ” _Why_?”

”This is my first teaching position. Prior to this? All I've done is write papers for obscure publications that's sort of in my area of expertise. And textbooks. I've written textbooks. I never thought anyone would hire me. Ever. I know I'm good at what I do, but no one looks past appearances, not really. Especially not when you look like I do.”

”What, gorgeous?”

_Damnit, Kylo._

”Like a delinquent, Kylo. But thank you,” Hux blushed. ”I wanted my students and peers to take me seriously. A nice suit usually does the trick, so I got some.”

Kylo couldn't help himself and asked, ”Where were you pierced?”

Hux rolled his eyes, ”Of course that's the part you paid attention to.” He smiled though, which took the sting out of it. ”Everywhere, honestly. You haven't noticed?”

Kylo followed Hux's fingers with his eyes, as he pointed out all the scars on his face – and his sewn up earlobes. The scars around his lips were the most obvious. How Kylo hadn't noticed before, was a complete mystery.

”Of course, I had the obligatory cock ring and nipple rings too, but it's too cold to show you,” he winked.

Kylo sputtered, going bright red all the way up to his ears.

”What?” Hux asked innocently.

”You can't– You can't just _say_ that!” Kylo said, shrilly.

”Oh, I'm sorry, are we not flirting? 'Cause I could've sworn we were,” he smiled sweetly.

”You are such an asshole, what the actual fuck, Hux.”

Hux laughed himself silly while Kylo was contemplating leaving him there (but really, he wouldn't dream of it).

”Are we though?” Hux asked, while wiping his eyes on his sleeves.

”Are we what?” Kylo grumbled.

”Flirting?”

”I don't know,” he muttered. ”You took your cock ring out, so what's the point?” Kylo stilled.

_Shit._

Was that ok to say?

Hux laughed even harder. He had to move away from the table to keep his tea from toppling over. ”Oh my God, Kylo, you're even better than I thought,” he snorted.

Kylo couldn't help beaming a little, under all the blushing.

Apparently, Hux wasn't done being a shit, and added, ”To be fair, it was a pretty thick ring, I doubt it's closed up.”

Kylo glared at him and pulled the plate over to his side of the table, plucking the fork from Hux's fingers. Assholes didn't deserve cake.

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

As much as Kylo had hoped it did, the afternoon did not, in fact, end in a marriage proposal.

But it did change things.

Upon entering the store, Hux would greet Jessika _and_ Kylo by name. Kylo still didn't know a thing about books; not new releases, not the classics, so Hux didn't come to him. Which he shouldn't, obviously. Kylo was of no help, in that regard.

One thing Kylo _did_ know how to do, was work the register. Hux always looked pleased when Kylo rang him up.

Kylo also knew how to find the books Hux ordered – or, he thought he did.

”This is the wrong edition,” Hux sighed.

”What?”

”I asked for the revised edition, this one is outdated.”

_Oh no._

He should've asked for help when he made the order. ”Shit. I'm sorry, I should've– I'm sorry.”

Hux bowed his head and took a deep breath. ”How quickly can you get the right one?”

”Uhh, three to five days, sir. Is it important?”

Hux ran a hand through his hair. It bounced right back into place. ”I wrote a review on the first edition a few years ago. The fucker revised it, but he's _still_ wrong. Unfortunately you need to site your sources, so I need his shitty book to point out _exactly_ where he went wrong.”

Kylo looked at the book on the counter. ”I'm not sure I understand. It's a book about sails?”

”It's an _inaccurate_ book about sails, yes.”

Kylo blinked.

”Listen,” Hux said and leaned on the counter, ”you cannot publish this– this _rubbish_ and not expect me to tear it apart. _I'm_ the leading fucking expert, not him.” He made a face and corrected himself, ”Out of the _living_ experts, _I_ am the leading one.”

”I didn't realize history was so serious,” Kylo muttered.

”If you're not prepared to fight for your work, you should _not_ get into history.”

Kylo had never set foot on a college campus, had never known anyone in academia. ”Do– do you mean physically?” Kylo looked at Hux with wide eyes. Then he realized this was _Hux._ ”Oh my God – you've punched someone, haven't you?”

Hux didn't even look sorry. ”Yes, I've fucking punched someone, the asshole was wrong! Fucking pirate historians. They don't know shit. They get all the publicity for a fraction of the work.”

Hux huffed. ”That reminds me; I'm doing a lecture at work, would you like to come?”

Kylo nearly got whiplash from the topic jump. ”A lecture?”

”Yeah, it's,” Hux gestured vaguely. ”It's a one-off type thing. Me and some of the other professors are doing this lecture thing. Archeologists, mostly. They found a fucking pirate ship and they want me to give an account of the time period the ship is from.”

Kylo had no idea what a lecture would entail. But the thought of seeing what Hux did for a living was enough to make him jump at the opportunity.

”I'd like that,” he said quietly, completely taken aback by everything that just happened.

”Good. I'll put you on the guestlist,” Hux nodded, cheeks still a bit flushed from the outburst.

”Wait, there's a guestlist?”

”There has to be. Fire safety, or whatever. This type of thing is always wildly popular. The lecture hall gets filled to the brim.”

The thought of college always made Kylo feel panicky, but the thought of going there _with_ _Hux_ didn't.

”Shite,” Hux was sneering at the book on the counter. ”You work most days, yes?”

Kylo nodded. ”Yeah, Doph is out sick this week. I gotta cover for him. I'll probably be here late everyday.”

”If I give you my number, can you give me a call when you get it?”

”The book?”

Hux looked at him for a moment, before a soft smile broke out on his face. ”Yes, Kylo, the book. I'm working with a deadline, and I'd like to pick it up as soon as I can.”

”I don't– I don't know how to put a phone number into the system,” Kylo pouted. ”I'm sorry.”

Hux rolled his eyes. He looked around on the counter and picked up one of the free bookmarks. He pulled out a pen from the inside pocket of his jacket, and scribbled on the bookmark. Pen capped and back in his pocket, Hux slid the mark across the counter. ”Ask someone to help you order the book – the _right_ one this time – and call me when it gets here, yeah?”

”Yes, sir.”

  
  


–

  
  


The book came in three days.

Kylo walked around the back room with the book cradled in his arms a good twenty minutes, before he even took his phone out of his pocket. Phone calls were hard. Kylo didn't speak very loud, and always focused too much on his own side of the conversation, forgetting to listen properly.

He unlocked his phone and went to his contacts. Hux was saved as _Sir._

Initially, Kylo thought it might be a fun conversation starter, but that would entail having a personal conversation with Hux, and Kylo wasn't quite sure he could do that. Spending part of his afternoon with Hux, at the farmers market, had been wonderful, but Hux had carried the conversation; filling all the awkward silences Kylo left.

It was still early – maybe Hux would be in class.

Kylo touched the screen, waiting for the ringing to begin, before pressing the phone to his ear. He held his breath.

” _You've reached professor Armitage Hux. I am occupied at the moment, please, leave your information and I will get back to you.”_

”Your name is Armitage?” Kylo blurted. ”Wait, no, that's not– Hi, Hux, this is Kylo. Kylo Ren. From the bookstore? Your, uhh, you book came in. It's the right edition, Jessika made sure of it. I, uhh– I'm here all day, so just … You can come and get it whenever. Even if _I'm_ not here – but I probably will be. I practically live here. Anyway! Book is here, this is Kylo and– I'll see you? Bye!”

Kylo screamed into the crook of his elbow. _Fucking get it together, Kylo, Jesus._

He clearly hadn't muffled his outburst enough, and Jessika came running. She looked around frantically, trying to locate the cause.

”You okay?”

Kylo nodded. ”Sure! Just– Had to make a phone call,” he said and waved his phone.

Jessika narrowed her eyes. ”You done?”

”Yeah?”

”We had a toddler incident. Go fix it.”

Kylo groaned.

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo kept his phone in his pocket for the rest of the day, even though he wasn't supposed to. As the hours ticked by, he got more and more discouraged. Hux didn't get back to him. He didn't show up either.

Two minutes before the store was supposed to close, Kylo was counting the money in the register, while Jessika was cleaning up.

When the bell on the door rang, Kylo mindlessly called out, ”We're closed,” without raising his head.

”I know, I know, I'm terribly sorry!”

Kylo snapped to attention.

”I came as fast as I could, but my meeting ran late.” Hux was flushed and rumpled looking.

”Oh, that's alright, Mr. Hux – Kylo, go get Mr. Hux's book,” Jessika said and waved him off.

Kylo could faintly hear Jessika ask about one of Hux's recent purchases, while he went to get the book. Kylo had imagined asking Hux about it; the book, the author – why didn't Hux like him? But he couldn't do that. Not while Jess was there. Sure, Jess knew Kylo liked Mr. Hux, but she hadn't truly seen him interact with the man. Not like Doph had.

Doph was still giving him shit for blushing at the mere mention of his name.

Kylo resented Doph for it. He didn't know what it was like. Doph was handsome and kind and smart and–

Kylo shook his head and brought the book with him to the register. Which he'd turned off.

”Jess, how do I– The terminal is turned off. Did you bring cash?” he asked, looking to Hux.

Hux looked between the two of them, looking awfully apoligetic. ”I didn't bring any. I'm terribly sorry.”

Jessika smiled at him. ”It's alright. I know you'll be back. Take the book; you can pay the next time you stop by.”

Hux shook his head, ”I couldn't possibly–”

”I trust you,” Jess smiled. ”And I know where you work – I'll make sure to come collect it, if you forget,” she winked.

”You're a saint, Jessika.” Hux visibly relaxed and finally allowed himself to take the book from Kylo's hands. ”I will be back first thing on Monday, I _promise._ ”

”I know,” Jess smiled. ”Now get going, we need to close up!” She ushered him out the door.

”Have a great evening,” Hux said. ”And Kylo – I'll be calling you about that lecture!” he said, right before Jess closed the door.

”Lecture? You going to school, Kylo?” she grinned teasingly.

Kylo chuckled at the thought. Him? At college?

”No, no, I'm– He invited me to a lecture he's doing. It's not part of a class.”

”Oh. You could, though, if you wanted to. You know that, right?” she said softly.

”Sure, Jess.”

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Kylo woke up slowly. The light in his apartment was always bright in the morning. He groaned quietly and stretched his limbs until they were hanging off the sides of his bed.

Kylo didn't have a lot of days off. He wasn't supposed to, but he usually worked six days a week, always covering for whoever needed him to take their shift. Being alone wasn't something Kylo was good at.

Despite being awake, Kylo stayed in his bed for as long as he could. Phone cradled in his hands, he cycled through his social media apps, not leaving the bed before his bladder started to ache. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he hissed at the cold carpet under his toes.

Kylo's apartment was small. The distance from bed to bathroom was only a few steps. After relieving himself, he pulled his fringe into a small tail at the top of his head.

Kylo climbed back into bed and dug around his bedding, looking for the book he left there a few days before. Concentrating enough to read a book wasn't something Kylo had been able to do in a long, long time; but it didn't mean he didn't try.

He pulled out his copy of _Jurassic Park_ from underneath a pillow. He'd read it a million times as a kid. The once sharp paperback corners were worn round and soft from all of the bags Kylo had kept it in over the years. In the end, he just flipped through the pages, ball of frustration settling in his gut.

Kylo's phone pinged from its spot on the floor, where it was charging. It was a text from his dad. They didn't see each other as much as they used to, but Han always made an effort to check up on him regularly.

Kylo was still in the process of composing a text that conveyed that he was okay, but without lying too much, when the phone started ringing.

The display said _Sir._

Kylo panicked for a long moment, not breathing, not moving, eyes locked on the display. With a thumb that trembled more than he'd like to admit, Kylo swiped across the screen and held it to his ear.

”Hello?” his voice made an awful croaking sound.

” _Kylo? You alright?”_

Kylo cleared his throat and closed his eyes tightly, swallowing down his panic. ”Yeah, just– Haven't spoken yet.”

Hux was quiet for a moment before asking, _”Am I disturbing you?”_

”No, no, you're fine,” Kylo's voice still sounded off, and about an octave deeper than normal. ”Do you need anything?”

” _Oh, good. I'm calling about the lecture._ My _lecture. That is if you'd still like to come?”_

Oh. Kylo opened his eyes. Hux sounded … uncertain?

”I– I'm actually pretty excited about it.”

Hux was quiet again. _”Oh.”_ He cleared his throat. _”Well that's– Okay. It's on Thursday. Starts around 4. I'll be there around 3:30. They made me make a powerpoint presentation,”_ Hux huffed in clear anoyance. _”And we have to make sure it works.”_

”You don't use powerpoints?” Kylo smiled a little.

” _God, no. I'm not an amateur! They didn't need powerpoints in the eleventh century, why would we need them now?”_

Kylo frowned. ”I … I think you have to walk me through that.”

Hux _laughed._

” _The first universities were founded in the eleventh century.”_

”Oh. Cool.”

_For fucksake, Kylo._

”I mean– That's– That's a long time? Is that the middle ages?”

” _It is.”_ Kylo could _hear_ the fondness in Hux's voice. _”Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you had enough time to make arrangements, in case you were working that day. I can text you the directions to the lecture hall, if you'd like? You said you haven't been on campus before?”_

”I haven't.”

” _I'll make sure you can find it. If you show up a bit early, I can even direct you to the best seat in person.”_

Kylo blushed, not entirely sure why.

” _Anyway, don't let me disturb you any longer, I'm sure you have things to do.”_

”I really don't,” Kylo said. He looked at the general state of his apartment. It wasn't great, but it had been worse. A lot worse.

” _Oh, well, regardless – I should let you go. I have a class soon and showing up late sets a bad example. I'll see you on Thursday?”_

Kylo nodded. ”You will. I'll see you too.”

” _Have a good day, Kylo,”_ Hux laughed softly.

”You too, sir.”

When the call disconnected, Kylo threw his phone to the other end of the bed and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. ”Fuck,” he groaned.

Moments later, Kylo dug the phone back out of the sheets and pulled up the text to his dad. He deleted what he'd typed and called him instead, pulling his covers up over his head.

” _Hey, kid.”_

”Hey, dad.”

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo had had to stop by his dad's house to pick up a dress shirt. Getting the shirt back to his apartment on his bicycle had been a challenge. It was wrinkled to hell, and had been hanging in his bathroom for two days, while he tried to get the wrinkles out with the steam from the shower.

Wearing nice clothes wasn't something Kylo had to deal with in his daily life, so all his nice clothes were at his dad's house, where he'd left them when he moved out.

Kylo hoped Hux wouldn't mind that the dress shirt was the only nice part of his outfit. He had washed his best jeans and even combed his hair, but the ride from his apartment to campus, had ruffled him a little. Kylo didn't own a car; he rode his bike everywhere.

Hux's directions were perfect (of course) and Kylo easily found the lecture hall. He was a good twenty minutes early, in the hopes that he could find a corner to wait in while his sweat dried a bit. Before he even got the chance to look for a corner, he heard his name being called. Without his glasses, Kylo couldn't quite see to the end of the hall, so he stayed where he was, as the figure came close enough to reveal themself as Hux.

There must have been something wrong with the lights in the hallway, because Hux looked young. _Really_ young.

”Hello, Kylo,” he said, slightly breathless. ”Did you find it alright?”

”I– Yeah,” Kylo nodded. ”Your directions were very clear.”

”Well, I didn't want you to get lost.” Hux kept rubbing his hands down the front of his three-piece suit, smoothing out wrinkles that weren't there.

Hux was _nervous._

Kylo didn't know what to say.

Luckily, he didn't need to. Someone called for Hux, sounding quite urgent. Hux waved over his shoulder and looked at Kylo. ”I saved you a seat,” he said and motioned for Kylo to follow him.

The lecture hall was big. Bigger than Kylo thought it'd be. Classical music was playing softly over the speakers. Hux led him to the far side of the front row, where there were five empty seats. The hall was already full to bursting, people standing around and speaking quietly.

”Please, sit,” Hux said, gesturing to a seat. ”We've had some problems with the microphones, but hopefully we will begin shortly.”

Hux was gone by the time Kylo knew how to reply. He looked around the room. It looked like he'd imagined a history department lecture hall would look. Kylo didn't stick out as much as he'd feared. A lot of the people looked like he did. Some were dressed nicely, like Hux was, but a lot of them looked like they came straight from class.

A group of girls were sitting in the row right behind Kylo, talking quietly between them. They sounded excited. Kylo had a hard time understanding the excitement. Sure, seeing Hux was exciting, but the lecture as a whole, wasn't what Kylo was looking forward to.

The music cut off suddenly and a man took the stage. He introduced himself and the other professors, along with the topics they'd be covering individually. They were shown a few photos from the archaeological dig where they'd found the ship the lecture was based on.

The photos were terrible, but the professor looked very excited. Kylo figured the professor took the photos himself.

Intellectually, Kylo could appreciate the information he was recieving, but the man was terribly dull. The way he spoke wasn't engaging at all, and he feared he might actually nod off before the end of this thing.

He didn't get to worry for long. Hux took the stage like a knight in shining armor. He strolled across the floor, pulled off his jacket and hung it over the back of a chair.

The girl in the seat behind Kylo inhaled sharply.

Hux took his place at the front of the podium and clasped his hands behind his back.

Kylo knew Hux would be good.

He didn't know Hux would be _this_ good. Kylo was _floored_ by Hux's performance – and that's what it was; a performance.

His voice was loud and clear, every word eloquent and to the point. He weaved a story that tied in perfectly with the oil paintings in the dreaded powerpoint. Kylo barely noticed the slides change, because Hux didn't need them.

Hux's words painted a picture so clear, no painting, photo, or video could ever do it justice. He used his hands and moved freely – almost casually – across the podium. He looked every person in the room in the eye, at least once. Kylo couldn't stop himself from hanging onto every word – even the ones he didn't understand.

The whole thing was over much too soon. The room erupted in applause when Hux was done speaking. Hux even bowed for them.

He looked endlessly pleased – and relieved. Once the jacket was back on, Hux left the stage _and took the seat next to Kylo._

Kylo tensed up, not expecting that sequence of events. However, next professor in the line-up began speaking before Hux even sat down, so he didn't have to worry about smalltalk.

With Hux's lecture on repeat in his mind, Kylo found himself enjoying the rest of the lecture. It _was_ interesting, all of it. Kylo hoped Hux would have time to talk afterwards. He found himself with a lot of questions he'd like Hux explain to him.

When the whole thing was over, it hadn't felt like two hours at all.

”What did you think?” Hux asked quietly, seemingly not in a hurry to get up or leave.

”I don't– I don't think I have the words,” Kylo muttered.

”That bad, huh?” Hux said, eyes turned to the front.

”I knew you were good, but _that_? Holy _fuck_ , Hux. I'm pretty sure the girl behind me wet herself.”

Hux covered his mouth and tried _very_ hard not to laugh. The laughter still made its way through his fingers and Hux hit Kylo's shoulder.

Kylo blushed and rubbed his arm where Hux had touched him. ”You were really, _really_ good, sir.”

”Oh my God,” Hux breathed deeply and wiped his eyes. ”I doubt anyone wet themselves. But thank you.”

They looked at each other for a long moment, before being interrupted. ”Hux!” one of the professors called. ”You coming with us? You can bring your friend!”

Hux looked at Kylo apoligetically. ”We usually go out to eat after these things. You don't have to come if you don't want to.”

Kylo shrugged, feigning indifference. ”Haven't eaten yet.”

Hux smiled.

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

So Kylo was panicking.

Dinner with Hux? Sounded _amazing_ , which was why Kylo had agreed.

But it wasn't just dinner with Hux, was it? It was with his _colleagues._ His _smart_ colleagues.

Kylo was silently freaking out and thus didn't even notice Hux herding him through the corridors and out into the open air.

Where there were other people. Loads of other people.

Kylo was stunned at the sight and momentarily forgot his panic. The place had been deserted when he'd arrived. He couldn't even see his bike through the gathering.

Kylo turned to Hux, _who had his hand on Kylo's lower back._ When had that happened and why had he not noticed?

The herd moved away from the entrance and slowy made their way off campus. Hux told Kylo the name of the restaurant, but it wasn't one Kylo knew. The walk was thankfully short, and the restaurant was expecting them. The place was mostly empty, most of the tables were pushed together, to accommodate the amount of people.

Hux was quick to guide Kylo to the end of the table, away from the front entrance, and the other professors from the lecture. ”I will not sit with those dreadful people,” he huffed, while guiding Kylo with his hands(!).

Hux offered Kylo the end seat, and only sat down after Kylo was did. The seats around them were occupied by women, who Hux greeted happily. They were from the history department. Hux made the introductions, but Kylo forgot their names the moment they left Hux's lips.

”So – what did you think?” Hux asked, after they'd placed their orders. ”Was it what you'd expected?”

Kylo cleared his throat and sat on his hands, extremely aware of the women sitting across the table. ”Yes and no.”

Hux quirked an inquisitive brow.

Kylo elaborated. ”I figured the room would look the way it did, and that the professors would look like that,” he said, glancing toward the other end of the table, at the men in question. ”I didn't expect to like it so much.”

”I'm glad. That you liked it, I mean.” Hux smiled softly, whole body turned toward Kylo. ”I don't know you very much at all. I worried you wouldn't want to speak to me afterwards; if I'd bored you to tears.”

Hux was doing something with his accent. Kylo had noticed it during to lecture as well. Kylo wasn't good at telling accents apart, but it sounded like Hux was forcing himself to sound like he was from somewhere else.

”If you're passionate enough, I don't think the subject matters all that much,” Kylo said. ”The way you spoke tonight – it didn't matter what it was about, I'd have hung onto every word.”

Hux's smiled slowly turned into a grin. ”You know, I think that's the most eloquent sentence you've ever spoken infront of me.”

Kylo huffed, blushing up to both of his ears. ”Don't be mean, sir.”

” _Sir_?” One of the women exclaimed. ”You don't even let your friends call you by your name?” She laughed. ”Honestly, Hux, you need to lighten up.”

”Kylo can call me whatever he wants,” Hux said, leaning over the table. ”It's hardly my fault my name is such a mouthful.”

”It's okay if you don't want me to call you by your first name,” Kylo said, eyes on Hux. ”I– I think it's important to respect what people _want_ to be called, whether you like it or not.”

Hux looked at him in surprise, clearly not expecting Kylo to take part in the conversation.

”I mean, I changed _my_ name. Names are important.” Kylo dug his fingers into his thighs, where he was still sitting on his hands.

”Really? That's so interesting!” The woman said. ”Why did you change it?”

Kylo squirmed a bit. He pulled his hands free from the seat and gulped down some of his water. ”I was– I was name after a family friend. It never felt…” he frowned. ”It never felt like mine.”

Hux was looking at him closely, making his skin feel close to burning.

”Kylo suits you,” he said softly.

”Thank you,” Kylo breathed.

The conversation continued without them. Hux just kept _looking_ at him.

”You can call me whatever you like – you know that, right?”

Kylo nodded. ”You … You only ever use _Hux_ at the store. I've never thought of you as anything else.”

Hux curled his fingers around Kylo's wrist, where it was still resting on the table. ”I'm really glad you came tonight, Kylo.”

As the night progressed, the people who'd been dressed to the nines, were slowly letting loose. Hux was one of the first to unbutton his cuffs, and roll his sleeves up.

The food was good and Hux's colleagues were nice – Kylo even found himself relaxing, toward the end. It was amazing seeing Hux around his own people. He was animated and engaging, gesturing wildly at times.

Kylo wasn't quite sure anyone but him could tell Hux's guard was still up. Sure, Hux was open, but only as open as he allowed himself to be. Kylo wondered how Hux had learned how to do that; to show people just enough to make them think they knew him.

Did _Kylo_ even know him?

As the evening began to wind down, and people were slowly beginning to depart, Hux was a vision. The neat part in his hair had come loose, he'd loosened his tie, revealing a faint cluster of freckles nestled in the hollow of his throat.

Kylo wanted to lick every inch of him.

”Shite, the time!” Hux was staring intently at his watch, cheekbones slightly flushed from the wine he'd had after dinner. ”Am I keeping you? Do you have work tomorrow?” he asked, wide eyes on Kylo.

”Not till ten,” Kylo smiled. ”I'll be fine.”

Hux wasn't having any of it and insisted on walking Kylo back to his bike. The night air felt incredible on Kylo's heated skin. He breathed deeply, letting the cool air into his lungs, the sensation making him shiver.

Hux didn't feel the chill in the air, and was in the midst of smoothing out his shirt. ”I can't believe they talked me into getting wine. I don't do that, normally.” He frowned. ”I don't think I've ever had anything to drink infront of them.”

”Why not?”

Hux was having trouble buttoning his shirt cuffs. ”I just don't drink in general. Never got a taste for it.”

”Me neither,” Kylo said. He looked at his bike. It was standing right where he left it. The sun had gone down while they'd been eating. Kylo looked back at where Hux was standing, right under a streetlight. The buttons were still giving him trouble.

Hux was a bit under the influence, Kylo was tired, it was dark out, they were about to say goodbye – so Kylo took a hold of Hux's wrist and did up the buttons for him. His skin was even softer than Kylo had imagined.

”Thank you,” Hux said. His coat was open, and slipping down his narrow shoulders, pulling his shirt collar open. A thin gold chain glinted at Kylo from around Hux's neck.

”How are you getting home?” Kylo asked, when both cuffs were done.

”I'm calling a taxi. I don't want to know what kinds of people ride the bus at this time of night.” He rubbed his hands through his hair, like he'd done most of the night. ”Listen, Kylo, I– I'm really happy you came. I've never– No one I know has ever seen me do a lecture before.”

Kylo blinked at him owlishly.

”My mum's always wanted to, but first I was in London and now I'm here. She's never been able to justify the trip.”

”I'm sorry,” Kylo frowned. ”Where does she live?”

”Dublin,” Hux said. ”Well, small town near Dublin.”

_Holy fuck, Hux was Irish._

”Oh,” Kylo said. ”You should tell her you're really good.”

Hux laughed. ”I'll tell her you said that.”

As soon as Kylo started imagining what Hux's mother looked like, he shook his head and grabbed his bike. It was definitely time to bail.

”Thanks for inviting me and– and walking me all the way back here, but I really should get going. Work in the morning, y'know?”

Hux nodded emphatically. ”Right, of course! Don't let me keep you.”

 _God,_ Kylo wanted to hug him goodnight.

Instead, he said, ”Get home safe, okay?”

Hux made an affirmative noise and dug his phone out of his pocket. ”Calling them now,” he said, and pressed the phone to his ear. ”I'll text you when I get home.”

”Good. Okay. I'll– Okay. See you soon.”

”You too, Kylo,” Hux smiled and waved as Kylo finally left.

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo couldn't contain his grin, when Hux followed through half an hour later.

_I made it home in one piece! Sleep well, Kylo._

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

“Mr. Hux?”

Hux looked up from the book he was holding. “Yes, Kylo?”

“Why don't you order books online? Don't you– Don't you get tired of coming here all the time?”

Hux looked pinched for a moment. Running his fingers over the spine of the book, he said, “I'm rarely home, so I'm not home to recieve them. My building isn’t– I’ve had parcels stolen from my doormat. A few times, actually. I'd rather order them here and know they will get to me safely.”

Kylo's eyes darted between Hux's book and Hux's eyes. Hux very rarely avoided eye contact.

“And … I like coming here,” he said. His eyelashes fluttered momentarily. His goddamn beautiful semi-transparent, but sometimes gold, eyelashes. “I haven't made a lot of acquaintances, let alone friends.”

At a loss for what else to do, Kylo removed his glasses from his collar, and put them on. He frowned at the greasy lenses, but didn't move to fix it. “Are we?”

Hux finally looked up. “Are we what?”

“Acquaintances?”

Hux put the book back on its shelf and stepped toward Kylo. He raised his hands and gently pulled the glasses off of Kylo's face. He untucked his shirt and started cleaning the lenses with his shirt tail. “I wouldn't call you an acquaintance.”

Kylo flinched a bit when Hux put the glasses back on his face.

“I'd like to think we're friends, you and I.” Hux pulled a few strands of Kylo’s hair out from where they were caught, between the arms of the glasses and his ears.

Kylo blinked.

“Friends?”

“I am rather fond of you, Kylo,” Hux said softly, and proceeded to tuck his shirt back into his pants. The motion briefly pulled his shirt open, exposing part of his abdomen and the black smudges of tattoos Kylo hadn't seen yet. The black of his skin, made the bright, _bright,_ orange hair there appear almost fluorescent.

And his stomach looked _so soft, oh no._

“You have tattoos everywhere, holy _shit._ ”

Hux laughed and smoothed his shirt over his stomach. “I do.”

Kylo quirked a brow. “ _Everywhere_ , everywhere?”

Hux shrugged. “I like the look of my skin; the color, so no. Not everywhere. I don’t find it particularly flattering either. What kind of motif do you even put on your genitals?”

Kylo blushed all over his body, forcing himself not to look in the general vicinity of Hux’s crotch. Hux made that particular task easier, as he stepped up close to Kylo, making it impossible for Kylo to look lower than Hux's chest.

Hux looked around them and lowered his voice conspiratorially. “I performed a little experiment the other night.”

“O-oh?” Kylo stuttered.

“My piercings? They haven't closed up.”

Hux was standing so close, Kylo could feel the air move around him when Hux spoke.

“Wh-which ones?”

Hux grinned. He raised his hand and put the tip of his finger right in the center of Kylo’s nipple, where the shape of it was visible through his t-shirt.

All the air rushed out of Kylo's lungs and he scrabbled for the nearest surface in an attempt to stay on his feet, nearly tripping over the box of books he was supposed to be shelving.

“You alright, love?” Hux smirked.

“Oh, don't even– _Don't._ ”

Laughing, Hux put a few steps between them, and picked up another book.

“You are the _worst._ The actual fucking worst.” Kylo was very tempted to put his head between his knees. Maybe scream for a few hours. “Are you this much of an asshole in class too? I'm so fucking glad I'm not one of your students.”

If any of Kylo’s teachers had looked remotely like Hux; been as charming as Hux, he never would’ve passed any of his classes.

“Hey, I am a _great_ teacher,” Hux pointed at him, face betraying the harshness of his words.

Kylo shook his head. He thought back to the lecture he'd witnessed; to the students sitting around him – what they'd been talking about. “Ever been propositioned by a student?” he asked jokingly.

A man as gorgeous as Hux; someone must've at least thought about it.

Hux put the book down again and crossed his arms, cheeks suspiciously pink. “I'm a good teacher.”

_What?_

Dread immediately flooded Kylo's body.

“That's not a no,” he said.

Hux glanced at Kylo, who was still slouched against the nearest bookshelf. “It wasn't _vulgar._ ”

”Hux,” Kylo breathed.

”She was very sweet about it,” Hux shrugged. ”Even if I had been attracted to her, I wouldn’t have done anything. I'm not that kind of person.”

Kylo had never heard Hux sound so small before; so _young_.

“I didn't report it. I asked her to transfer to a different class.”

“It happened _here_?”

Hux nodded. “Haven't taught anywhere else, remember?” He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. “I had no idea what I was supposed to do.” He huffed a laughed; the saddest sounding laugh Kylo had ever heard.

”I was almost impressed. That she had the guts to do it.” Hux made a soft, distressed sound, and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “She was a _kid._ ”

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have– I shouldn't have asked.”

“You couldn't have known.” Hux waved him off. “We joke about that kind of thing all the time; the younger people on the faculty.” He frowned. “Or, _I_ don't. Not anymore. I'm not as, as open with them anymore. The students. Maybe I did something. Something that made her think that that was okay, you get what I mean?”

“ _Hux_ ,” Kylo gaped. “You can't possibly– _Hux._ ”

Hux turned on his heel and started walking down the aisle, halfheartedly running his fingers over a few spines here and there.

Kylo pushed away from the wall and stepped over the box of books by his feet. He followed Hux slowly. “Did you speak to anyone about it?” He frowned. “Anyone?”

“Don't really have anyone,” Hux muttered. “It's not a big deal.”

“Hux. What the _fuck._ Don't you– Don't you have a boss?”

“It wasn't this semester, I'm not going to bother my superior about something so trivial. I haven't even seen the student since it happened.”

“I–” Kylo looked around. “I want to talk to you. Privately. Hux, you can't– You can't fucking carry that shit around! You did nothing wrong.”

Hux stopped abruptly. Kylo was so caught up in his own feelings, that he didn't notice in time, and walked straight into Hux's back. He grabbed Hux's hips to keep them both from falling over.

Hux glanced at him over his shoulder, looking like a cornered animal.

Kylo made a show of removing his hands from Hux’s person, and stepped out of his personal space. “Please, don't shut down on me, Hux. Please. _Please._ ”

“I shouldn't bother you with–”

“ _Bother_ _me_?” Kylo was acutely aware of his voice being on the edge of shrill. “ _Do_ bother me – I _want_ you to bother me.”

_I care._

Kylo was being loud; much too loud. He shouldn't have been surprised when Dopheld came up behind Hux, looking between the two of them.

“Everything alright?”

Hux grabbed the opportunity and maneuvered around Doph, out of Kylo's reach. “I'll be in touch, Kylo, thank you.”

Kylo stood back, shoulders slumped, posture as shitty as ever.

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo was a mess for several days after the encounter at the book store. It only got worse when over the weekend, Kylo recieved a text from Hux.

It was an invitation to Hux's home. That is if Kylo had meant it; if Kylo still wanted to have a conversation. A real one.

Kylo had to bike to his dad's house, to avoid having a panic attack. He spent the rest of the day on his dad's couch, watching bad TV, with one of his dad's foster dogs in his arms.

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo had never been to the area Hux lived in, despite growing up in the town. It didn't look particularly bad, but it wasn't all that great either. Most of the apartment buildings looked worn; in need of repairs.

Hux's building looked like one of the better ones, which made Kylo feel a lot better. He found a somewhat sheltered bike rack and made sure to lock the bike to the nearest pipe.

He had to walk up two flights of stairs to get to Hux's floor. The hallways looked clean enough, were easy to navigate. Some of them even had windows.

Hux's door had a little paper sign taped to it, with his name written out neatly, by hand.

Kylo decided to forego the bell and knocked on the door instead. The doors weren't very far apart, so the apartments obviously weren't very big.

The sound of two locks turning, was followed by the door swinging open.

The first thought to fly through Kylo's mind was _skin._ He could see _so_ _much_ skin.

Hux was wearing a loose t-shirt and jeans.

It was the most relaxed Kylo had seen him dressed as of yet. The jeans he'd worn at the farmer's market were worn, but _these_ jeans. They were so busted they weren't even fit for public wear. The knees were completely gone, and torn a fair way down the shins too.

His feet were bare, aside from more tattoos. Kylo shuddered at the thought of how painful they must've been to get.

Hux stepped back from the door, inviting Kylo inside. He closed the door quietly, once Kylo was inside.

”I would like to apoligize for my behaviour. It was not only rude, but dramatic and unnecessary. It was uncalled for and I apoligize.”

Kylo looked at him for a moment. Hux had crossed his arms and was staring at his feet.

”I don't think it was,” Kylo said quietly. ”I pushed when I shouldn't have.” He looked back at the door. Hux's shoes were lined up in a neat row, toes against the wall.

Kylo kneeled to untie his laces.

”I shouldn't have run off like that,” Hux said from above. ”Want me to take your coat?”

Kylo toed off his shoes and nudged them in the direction of Hux's. Hux stepped up behind him and tugged the coat off of his shoulders.

”Did you find it okay?”

”Yeah, my dad told me how to find it. Was easy enough,” Kylo said. He looked around the apartment. The main room was bigger than Kylo's whole apartment, but not by much. It looked a lot nicer, though. Hux definitely knew how to decorate. If Kylo had seen the inside before seeing the outside, he never would've guessed where Hux lived.

Most of the interior was shades of brown. It was warm and cozy. The couch looked comfortable enough to sleep on. Along the back of the couch and on the armchair, were handmade knit blankets. A big potted plant covered most of the main window.

Hux was hovering behind him, shifting his weight between his feet.

”Would you like something to drink?”

”Sure,” Kylo turned to look at him. ”Tea?”

Hux met his eyes and laughed softly. ”I'm only half English, you know.”

”Don't Irish people drink tea too?”

Hux shook his head, smiling. ”Sit down, I'll be back with the tea.”

 

 

 

 


	9. Biscuits

Hux's sofa was nice and plush. Kylo slouched against the armrest, letting the pillows hug his body. The sounds Hux was making in the kitchen were familiar. There was a soft click when the electric kettle was turned on. Cupboards opening and closing. Ceramic meeting the countertop. Boiling water poured over teabags.

Kylo breathed a sigh of relief when he was greeted by the scent of Earl Grey.

The mug Hux handed him was steaming and smelled faintly sweet. Kylo made a small contented sound at not having to force down something bitter and vile smelling.

Kylo came from a family of rather eccentric people, who followed various New Age practices. Kylo's taste in tea was oftened accompanied by scoffs and lectures on why herbal teas were far superior.

Being raised under the Skywalker family motto of ”endure”, Kylo had been taught to be polite, most of all, and had thus endured buckets of awful beverages.

”Thank you,” he said softly.

Hux inclined his head and smiled kindly in turn. He held his own cup tightly and curled up in the armchair across from Kylo.

”No biscuits?”

Hux laughed softly. ”You're terrible.”

”Valid question, though,” Kylo said.

Hux shook his head and sipped his tea carefully. ”If you're still here in half an hour, I'll get the biscuits.”

After a long moment of unbearable silence, Hux quietly began his recount of the incident. Kylo listened silently. Hux spoke much the same way as he did when he gave a lecture. He spoke clearly, no stutter, no hestitation.

His body language was a different story.

Kylo knew Hux towered over most people, he knew that. But seeing Hux curled up like he was – he'd seen Hux sit before, his legs were long enough to make most chairs look small; much like Kylo's did.

Hux looked small and vulnerable, body concealed behind his knobby knees.

After the story came to an end, they sat in silence for a while.

Kylo didn't dare move. His tea was long gone, but the cup was still warm in his hands.

How do you show people you care about them?

Kylo didn't feel qualified for anything.

”You know you did nothing wrong, right?”

Hux looked up for the first time in what felt like hours. His hair was just long enough to get tucked behind his ear, but not long enough to stay there. ”I feel like I did.”

Kylo bit his lip. He needed something to do; preferably with his hands.

Hux looked resigned when Kylo stood up. When Kylo headed for the kitchen instead of the door, it turned to puzzlement. ”What are you doing?”

”It's been over half an hour,” Kylo called from the kitchen. ”Where do you keep the biscuits?”

The kitchen was not designed for two people. Two men of Kylo and Hux's size barely fit without touching each other.

”It's– The cabinet on your left,” Hux said. ”The other left.”

Getting the tin down from the shelf without smacking Hux – or himself – in the face, was a feat. The way everything was arranged on the shelves and the counter; it was easy to tell Hux was the only person inhabiting the space. It wasn't a mess, but it wasn't clean either. A neat stack of dirty plates near the sink, cutlery in sink, a frying pan on the cold stove.

The whole scene reminded Kylo of his own apartment.

Hux reached across him and turned the kettle on again.

”I left my mug in the living room,” Kylo said, still holding the biscuit tin.

Hux retrieved the mug, while Kylo dug a biscuit out of the tin. He frowned at himself. Kylo had never referred to a cookie as such before.

The two of them stared at the kettle in silence. Kylo felt bad. He'd hoped he could help Hux, in some way. Thought maybe it would come to him in the moment; what to say. Something reassuring.

Instead he dug out another cookie and offered the tin to Hux.

”You look really nice today.”

”Thank you,” Hux said softly, through a mouthfull of crumbs.

Kylo turned as much as he could in the cramped space, to look at Hux more directly. It suddenly dawned on him, ”Boats!”

Hux blinked. ”Pardon?”

Kylo's eyes darted across his bare arms. ”Your skin – it's boats! Boat stuff!”

Hux looked mildly offended. ”It's a maritime theme, yes, but no boats.” Hux looked off for a moment, before focusing back on Kylo, ”No, I'm fairly sure I don't have any boats on me.”

Kylo quirked a brow. _”Fairly sure?”_

Hux rubbed his own shoulder, ”Well, I can't– My back. The human body doesn't bend that way. I'd have to go find a picture.”

The kettle turned off with a small click.

Hux looked at the kettle, then back at Kylo.

”You want Earl Grey again?”

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo ate his way through half the biscuit tin, while trying every single one of the teas Hux had in his cupboards. Talking came a lot easier, as time went on. Hux didn't mind showing off his tattoos and Kylo got to see a bunch he hadn't seen before (much to Kylo's disappointment, Hux didn't take his shirt off, but opted to push his sleeves up instead).

Most of the tattoos didn't connect, but they all carried the same theme. There were ropes, and waves, and lanterns, and sea creatures – both real and mythical.

Kylo blushed bright red when Hux moved from his armchair to the sofa, to better show Kylo the ropes around his arm. It was a beautiful piece of art, but being so close to Hux also meant that he could see all the freckles in between the black.

Hux was _very_ freckled. Even his knees. Hux's jeans were torn, but also too big. They were practically hanging off of him. Everytime he stood up, he had to pull them up.

Kylo asked about it when Hux brought him yet another cup of tea.

”I've been losing weight, since moving here,” he said, as he curled up against the arm of the sofa. ”I'm busy most of the time. It's easy to forget to eat.”

Kylo sucked on his lip. This was the perfect opportunity.

”We could eat together.”

Hux looked at him in surprise.

”Not, like … Not everyday, obviously, but. We could go somewhere, every once in a while. Somewhere greasy.” Kylo pulled at a loose string on his pants. ”Or we could go see my dad. Dad loves to cook – especially for other people.”

”Strangers, too?”

Kylo huffed a laugh. ”Soup kitchens are one of dad's favorite places. He met my mom that way, actually. He's more into fostering dogs these days, but he still goes all the time. Especially on holidays.”

”I think I'd like that, Kylo,” Hux smiled timidly. ”Thank you.”

 

 

 

 


	10. Daddy Dearest

”So you're smitten, is what you're saying.”

”Dad.”

”What? It's not like I'm gonna tell him.”

Kylo buried his face in the dog he was cradling in his arms. His dad had parked him on the sofa and told him to stay there. Han hadn't been cooking for long, but the house already smelled amazing. A ragtag of dogs were sitting around Kylo's feet, resting their wet noses on his knees.

Initially, Hux hadn't been able to find time in his calendar for dinner, but a meeting had been rescheduled, and Kylo had hastened to make it fit. Luckily, Han wasn't busy, and Kylo's schedule was flexible.

Kylo was worn out from work. The store always got busier as the weather got colder. The staff were already dreading the Christmas season.

”I just– He's really smart, dad,” Kylo said.

Kylo hadn't heard Han leave the kitchen, and startled a bit when Han buried his fingers in Kylo's hair, ruffling it roughly. ”And handsome, I'm guessing?” Han smiled.

Kylo yawned into the sleeve of his sweater. ”He's a redhead, dad. His eyelashes are _gold,_ ” Kylo craned his head around, looking emphatically at Han's retreating back. ”Gold!”

Han shook his head. ”Redheads are something else,” he laughed.

”Just wait till he gets here. He's coming straight from work, so you get to see him in a suit. God, his suits.”

Han made a sympathetic noise.

The dog in Kylo's lap made a displeased sound, mouthing at Kylo's fingers. It was a small fluffy one; the kind that would no doubt be adopted in a matter of weeks. Kylo put the dog back on the floor and weaved his way through the mutts, careful not to step on any paws. ”I don't know if he likes me, though.”

Han nudged Kylo out of the way when he tried to stir the pan. ”Why wouldn't he? You're a likable guy.”

”I'm your spawn, you're supposed to say that,” Kylo grunted and got himself a glass of water.

Han raised an unempressed brow. ”When have I ever lied just to please people?”

”You mean aside from all the time?”

Han elbowed him in the ribs. ”You're a good kid, Kylo. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.”

”Not even mom?”

Han looked at him sharply.

”You know she's right when she says I'm a handful.”

Han sighed deeply and rubbed a hand down his face. ”This guy _made_ _time_ to see you; to meet your old man. Why would he do that, if he didn't like you?”

Kylo shrugged into his glass. ”Maybe he's just lonely?”

Han pulled him away from the counter and pushed him into the living room. ”Go be an idiot somewhere else.”

Kylo stumbled over a few paws and curled up on the sofa again. ”You better be charming when he gets here, old man,” he grumbled.

  
  


–

  
  


Every single dog in the house rushed for the door, when the doorbell rang. Han and Kylo attempted to restrain some of the bigger ones, while Kylo answered the door. Kylo had noses in places he'd really rather be without.

He opened the door just enough to look out.

”Hello, Kylo,” Hux said, smiling at the noses trying to wiggle their way outside.

”Hi,” Kylo laughed. ”You think you can squeeze in?”

Together, they got Hux and the dogs herded inside and away from the door. Hux ended up looking frazzled before everyone was calmed down. He had color in his cheeks from the cold weather, a few dusty paw prints on his slacks, and his neat hair was coming loose at the front.

Kylo apoligized for the dogs, which Han joined in on, while Kylo took Hux's overcoat.

”It's quite alright,” Hux assured them and gave gentle pats to the stragglers, intent on keeping Hux intimate company.

”You a dog person, Hux?”

”I'm more of a cat person, Mr. Solo. Can't say I mind the welcome, though,” Hux said and extended his hand for Han. ”It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Solo.”

”Likewise – but please, call me Han.”

With the introductions out of the way, Han went back to the kitchen. Kylo lead Hux to the sofa, where the curious dogs once again flocked around him. Like a person who was enthusiastic about the concept of dogs, but lacking any practical experience, Hux cautiously petted the dogs.

Kylo looked on in horror, as a big dog with a white belly rubbed herself all over Hux's lovely suit, leaving chunks of stark white fur in her wake.

”We have lint rollers,” Kylo offered. He plucked some of the bigger clumps off of Hux's thighs.

”Oh, that's quite alright.” Hux pulled his tie out of a slobbery maw. ”We had cats in my home, growing up. I'm used to the shedding.”

Hux was doing his best to hide his exhaustion, yawning only when Kylo's attentions were elsewhere. Kylo was rather delighted at the sight of Hux being ruffled and just a bit uncoordinated.

Once it was time for dinner and they gathered around the table, Hux pulled his jacket off his shoulder. ”Do you mind if I–?” He asked, and pulled out the empty chair beside him.

”Go ahead,” Han smiled.

Hux pulled his jacket the rest of the way off along with his tie. He draped both over the back of the chair and proceeded to undo his shirt cuffs. The sleeves were pulled up and folded meticulously just above the elbow.

Han quirked his eyebrow pointedly at Kylo.

 _What?_ Kylo mouthed.

”You have a type, kid,” he stage whispered and patted Kylo on the back. Han cleared his throat and grinned at Hux. ”You have a type, right? Everyone has a type.”

Hux looked at Han for a moment, face blank. ”Oh, you mean in the romantic sense? Sure. If you lined up my former partners, I'm sure you'd find a pattern.”

Kylo subtly kicked his dad under the table.

”I'm big into brunettes myself,” Han said cheerfully.

Hux hummed in agreement, while piling food onto his plate. ”I've been with some very lovely brunettes. Although, I wouldn't say I specifically go for brunettes.”

”Are you with someone right now?” Han almost didn't grimace when Kylo kicked him again.

Hux looked up from his food. ”Not at the moment, no.”

”Not interested?”

Hux raised his shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. ”Haven't had the time to do much of anything. Not that I mind, honestly. I was in quite an intense relationship a few years ago; I'm not in a hurry to get back into the whole–” he gestured vaguely. ”If I met someone, I wouldn't turn them away because of it, but I'm also not actively looking.”

Han was fully prepared to embarrass the hell out of his son, but didn't manage to say anything before Hux cut in: ”Are you?”

Han blinked. ”Am I what?”

”With someone?”

Taken aback, Han leaned back in his chair. ”No, I– No.”

”Kylo's mother?”

Kylo huffed and smiled. ”She bailed before I made it to high school.”

” _Hey,”_ Han said sharply.

”What? She was miserable, you were miserable, I was … hormonal. None of us were happy, it was the right thing to do.” Kylo turned to Hux, smirking, ”He got back together with his ex-boyfriend, like, two months after mom left.”

”I don't remember you complaining,” Han snorted.

Kylo leaned in closer to Hux, ignoring his dad. ”I was having growth spurts left and right, and I was hungry all the time. Lando loved cooking – still does – and he was always happy to cook for me. It was great.”

”I don't miss the growth spurts,” Hux laughed. ”I shot up like a weed. My poor mother could barely keep up with the clothing.”

The food was delicious and the conversation flowed easily. Hux and Kylo came to realize they had many similar experiences in their childhoods, though, under very different circumstances.

Kylo had grown up with both parents all the way into his teens, but was largely raised by his father. Hux's father had been out of the picture since before he was born.

Once the first helpings were devoured, Hux excused himself.

When the bathroom door clicked shut, Han turned to Kylo. ”Tattoos, huh?”

Kylo frowned.

”Don't remember you drooling over tattoos before.”

”Did you repress my metal phase? I'm pretty sure I was very vocal about tattooed men for a _while._ ”

Han grinned. ”I forgot about that.”

Kylo went back in for a second helping of food, while Han looked at him fondly.

”What?”

”Nothing,” Han said, and shook his head. ”He's just– He seems like a sweet guy, Kylo. He treats you well.”

Kylo felt his cheeks heat up. _Damnit._ There's no way that would go away before Hux came back.

”You could do worse, is all I'm saying,” Han squeezed Kylo's wrist before turning his attention back to the food.

Between dinner and dessert, Han encouraged Kylo to show Hux's his childhood bedroom. There wasn't much of a room left, as Kylo had brought most of the furniture along with him, when he moved out.

A few decorations remained; posters on the walls, a model of the solar system hanging from the ceiling. The space served as a spare bedroom these days.

”I wasn't expecting dessert,” Hux said, while inspecting a poster of Morrissey.

Kylo was leaning against the doorframe, and ran his fingers through his hair. ”Dad likes to go all out, but you don't have to eat anything if you're full. He's used to feeding _me_ , so his portion sizes are a bit out of sorts.”

”I'm not leaving this house before I've had as much cake as I can comfortably force down, thank you,” Hux turned his eyes on Kylo, smiling softly.

Kylo chuckled, letting his hair obscure his face momentarily. ”He'll let you take any and all leftovers home, if you want. If you don't take it, he's gonna force it onto me.”

”I'm not gonna take food from you, Kylo,” Hux said, brows gently furrowed.

”I still have food left from the last time I was here,” Kylo reassured him. ”You're not taking anything I'm not willing to give.”

Hux blinked. ”You're being much to profound for this hour,” he shook his head and yawned into his elbow.

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo closed the front door behind them. The sound of nails and excited yips was muffled behind the wood. While Hux fixed his coat, Kylo held on to the tote filled with food Han had packed for Hux.

”Thank you.”

Kylo frowned. ”What for?”

”Inviting me,” Hux said, lining up the buttons of his overcoat. ”And– all of it.”

”I wanted to,” Kylo shrugged and rubbed his shoulders. It was really too cold to be outside without a jacket.

”Next time doesn't have to be as elaborate,” Hux said, smoothing his scarf down. ”Granted, you want a repeat performance.”

”Of course I do,” Kylo said, voice on the edge of too loud and too firm. He cleared his throat and kept his eyes on the tote bag hanging from his fingers.

”You really are the sweetest thing, you know that?” Hux sighed. The vapor of his breath, in the cold air, drifted in the space between them.

Being cold was no longer an issue. Kylo silently thanked the poor quality of the porch light, masking his burning cheeks.

Hux's feet entered his field of vision, and Kylo looked up. Hux was smiling at him. One of those small, soft, fond ones.

”Thank you,” Hux said, once again and wrapped his arms around Kylo.

Kylo's mind whited out for a second, not comprehending what was happening. He slowly raised his arms to return the embrace.

Hux felt incredibly small and delicate in his arms.

Kylo was prepared for the hug to last mere seconds, but when Hux was still holding on, with no signs of letting go, Kylo tucked his face into the crook of Hux's neck. He felt more scarf than skin against his face, but couldn't bring himself to care. A small patch of skin was pressed to Kylo's nose – he had never smelled anything so wonderful.

”I had a really good time,” Hux said, muffled into Kylo's sweater.

”Me too,” he muttered back.

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

”Darling? You awake?”

Kylo stirred. There was a hand in his hair, gently caressing him. He turned his face into the pillow. The curtains had been opened and the sun was much too bright on his face.

”Come on, sleepyhead.”

Kylo made an unhappy sound and rolled over drowsily, chasing the body heat. He opened one eye, then the other. The hazy outline of Hux was looking down at him.

Blinking rapidly brought Hux into focus and Kylo nuzzled his face into Hux's hand.

”There you are,” Hux laughed softly. He looked sleep ruffled, but very much awake.

Kylo pulled him down on top of his body, back into bed. Hux wasn't dressed yet, and Kylo greedily ran his hands over every inch of him.

”Ready to wake up?” Hux spoke softly, quietly.

Shaking his head, Kylo buried his face in Hux's neck, wrapping his arms around Hux's waist. Hux's laughter bounced off the walls, making Kylo smile.

Hux heaved a put upon sigh. ”We can't stay in bed all day, love.”

Kylo whined. ”I'm not asking for a whole day.” He pulled away from his hiding spot and looked up into Hux's face. He was smiling brightly, his skin impossibly pink against the stark white of the bedding. Kylo brushed his hair away from his face, letting the red strands get tangled between his fingers.

”Just a moment longer?”

Hux rolled his eyes playfully. ”If you must.” He spread his legs, straddling Kylo's waist easily.

Kylo easily manhandled his thin frame, moving him to his lap, where he wanted him most. Hux was soft and warm against him. Kylo looked on in wonder, as his hands easily spanned the width of Hux's thighs.

He tried to keep still, he really did. Hux made a soft sound when Kylo moved his hips enough to jostle him.

”Be good for me, love,” he whispered, bending down to speak against the shell of Kylo's ear.

Kylo gasped softly. ”'M sorry.”

Hux settled more heavily against Kylo's body, moving in his lap deliberately.

Fighting to stay still, Kylo cried, ”Hux, please. Please. I can't– Hux– Sir, I– ”

”My darling boy,” Hux whispered.

Kylo whined low in his throat. He held Hux's thighs in an iron grip, afraid of unseating him.

Hux moved unhurried, his hands cupping Kylo's face, then his throat, his chest, following the path of his hands with his lips. The scruff on his face made Kylo's skin break into goosebumps.

Kylo shuddered violently beneath him. ”Please,” he whimpered. ”Hux, please– ”

Hux trailed his fingertips down Kylo's torso, down, down, all the way down the front of his briefs.

And then his alarm started blaring.

Kylo woke with a start, hard and aching. The sheets were clinging to his legs like a second skin.

In his rush to turn off the alarm, he nearly tumbled to the floor, torso hanging heavily over the edge of the mattress.

The small, blindingly bright screen proclaimed he had recieved a new text message from _Sir_ a few hours prior.

Hux had begun sending Kylo texts in the mornings. Hux rose early, taking care of chores, and preparations for his afternoon classes. Kylo worked afternoons and was typically asleep. Hux was aware of this, but insisted he didn't mind not recieving a reply until later.

It was barely more than pleasantries. No existential conversations at nighttime, no love confessions or deep, dark secrets; just silly observations and weird interactions they both had with other people.

”Fuck me,” Kylo muttered into his bedspread.

Lying there, halfway off his bed, he contemplated just humping the mattress and be done with it. The firm edge of the mattress was digging into his thigh, cutting off the bloodsupply. His leg was going numb.

Groaning loudly, Kylo rolled onto the floor and shook his leg to get the blood back into his leg.

Everytime he closed his eyes, Hux was still burned into the back of his eyelids. All that pale skin and dark smudges of ink, sprinkled with freckles.

Struggling into a sitting position, Kylo glared at his lap, where his cock hadn't quite gotten the memo that Hux wasn't around.

He huffed and got to his feet, dragging himself into the bathroom and into the shower. Kylo turned his face into the spray, holding his breath.

The weight of the water was pulling his hair down. It was getting too long; Kylo hadn't kept it that long since high school. The little tail he usually pulled it up into on top of his head had grown. It was long enough for a small bun now.

Cupping the back of his head, Kylo couldn't help but wonder – what would Hux think? Did Hux even like his hair?

Maybe he could text Hux and ask.

_Bit of a weird thing to ask, though._

Kylo turned the knob on the shower, letting the water heat up further. The water stung his chest. He leaned back enough to get his face out of the spray.

He closed his eyes and trailed his hands down his body, finally allowing himself to touch.

Over breakfast, Kylo picked up his phone.

  
  


_**Kylo:** do you think i should cut my hair_

  
  


_**Hux:** Pardon?_

  
  


_**Kylo:** my hair is getting long_

_**Kylo:** do you think i shoudl cut it_

  
  


_**Hux:** That depends – do you like it long?_

  
  


_**Kylo:** do you_

_**Kylo:** ?_

  
  


_**Hux:** I think your hair looks lovely, Kylo._

  
  


Well, that wasn't helpful at all. Neither was the blush Kylo was currently sporting. He put his phone away and ate his food in silence. Afterwards, he got dressed and mentally prepared himself for going to work.

  
  


–

  
  


In the early evening, Hux came by the bookstore. The sun was long gone and Kylo felt dead on his feet. He mustered a tired smile and greeted Hux, when he came to the register.

Hux was smiling.

Big.

It was unsettling.

Kylo unconsciously took a step back from the counter.

”Let me look at you,” Hux said, hands on his hips

”What?”

Hux held out his hand, urging Kylo closer. ”Let me see your hair.”

The store was closing up in an hour; hyperventilating right now would be very bad timing.

Kylo stepped back up to the counter, face burning.

_Can one lose conciousness by blushing too hard? All that blood rushing to the head, surely it must be possible?_

Hux hummed in thought. ”I think it looks wonderful – wouldn't you agree, Miss Pava?”

Kylo had never seen Jessika grin so big.

”I think you look very handsome, Kylo,” she said – and winked. The traitor.

In his rush to cover his face, Kylo forgot he was wearing his glasses and managed to jam them against the bridge of his nose. He hissed softly and pulled the frames off. ”Did you come all this way just to torment me?”

”That would not be out of character for me, but no.”

Kylo didn't doubt it for a second.

”I was on my way home and I was wondering if you would like to have dinner together? Order in, nothing fancy.”

Kylo looked at Hux, uncomprehending. ”Now?”

”After the store closes, yes. If you'd like?”

”I– I mean, yeah, that – yes.”

  
  


–

  
  


Living as close to work as he did, Kylo had never been more thankful for the fact, as he was in that moment. Hux being at the store with him was alright. What wasn't alright, was how Jess and Doph kept glancing at him knowingly. The last hour had been downright awful. He felt scrutinized and uncomfortable.

When he finally got to leave the store, with Hux in tow, Kylo felt jittery and unsettled.

They spoke during the walk to Kylo's apartment, but Kylo couldn't recall what about. He kept his bike in between them while they walked. Having dinner with Hux was always nice, but also incredibly stressful. Especially after being under observation at the store.

Kylo held the door open for Hux, once they made it to his building. It was a small walk up with very few tenants.

Kylo's ears started ringing while he unlocked the door.

Once inside, Kylo suddenly felt ashamed when he saw Hux in his home. It was a small apartment. Kylo could afford bigger, but he'd chosen someplace small, so he could spend his money on other things (not that he did; it all went into his savings account). He'd imagined he might travel, at some point.

Kylo wasn't prone to panic attacks. More often than not, he had an anxious feeling in his body, but it rarely escalated.

Alas, once again, his body had perfect timing.

Kylo was vaguely aware that Hux was speaking to him, but he couldn't quite hear it. Everything was muffled, like his head was under water. Time seemed to speed up and slow down at the same time.

He came back to himself, eventually. It could've been minutes, it could've been hours.

Kylo was sitting in his desk chair.

He didn't remember sitting down.

His windows were open.

Hux was touching him. The neck of Kylo's work shirt was pulled down and Hux held his hand against his chest, over his racing heart.

It was oddly grounding.

Hux was kneeling before him, looking up at him with open concern in his eyes. ”Can you hear me?” Kylo guessed he'd been asking for a while.

Kylo closed his eyes. He curled both his hands around Hux's, pressing Hux's hand harder against his chest. ”I can hear you,” he breathed.

Hux exhaled loudly.

He wasn't wearing his coat. Kylo must've checked out for a while, if Hux had had the time to discard his coat and scarf. Kylo was still wearing his own. It was sticking to his back, drenched in sweat.

”Do you take medication?” Hux asked, voice brittle.

”No,” Kylo shook his head. ”This doesn't normally happen.”

Hux's hand felt clammy on his chest. Kylo couldn't tell which one of them the moisture was coming from.

”I'm okay.”

”Please, don't say that,” Hux sighed. ”You don't– You don't have to reassure me, Kylo, this isn't about me.”

Hux must've been uncomfortable, kneeling on the floor like that, nevertheless, Kylo couldn't make himself release Hux's hand.

”Is there anything I can do?”

_God, he sounded so earnest._

”This is good,” Kylo said. He should move. He should do something. Anything.

”I would like to get you some water. Would that be okay?” The look on Kylo's face must've been bad, because he hastily added, ”I'll hold your hand again, just please, let me get you some water?”

Kylo loosened his grip enough for Hux to pull away.

In the time it took Hux to find a glass and fill it, Kylo peeled off his coat. The lining was sticking to his skin and the whole garment ended up inside out.

The glass Hux gave him was dripping, droplets running down both of their arms. Kylo forced himself to keep his focus on drinking instead of the armchair in the corner of the room, hidden underneath spare blankets and clothing. It was the only other seat in the room. Kylo felt like crying when Hux readily kneeled on the floor again.

”Not the floor, please, Hux– ”

Hux made an executive decision and grabbed the armrests on the desk chair. He pulled the chair – with Kylo still on it – across the room, so Hux could sit on the bed, yet still reach him. The bed was really too low for them to touch comfortably, but Hux wasn't deterred. He took Kylo's free hand and held it in both of his own.

”I don't have any experience with this, so if I do something wrong, tell me. I don't– It's alright if you can't talk, there's no rush. We're just gonna sit like this a minute and … and we'll take it from there.”

”I'm sorry,” Kylo whispered. His nose was starting to run, the tears would come soon enough.

”It's alright, I promise.” Hux offered him an honest to god cloth handkerchief, in exchange for the glass. ”I didn't realize it was this bad,” he murmered and placed the glass on the floor, while Kylo was being gross and snotty in his lovely handkerchief.

Kylo took a moment to get the majority of his bodily fluids under control, before he attempted to speak. ”It's not, usually. I just– You're the first person to be here other than my dad.”

”In your flat?”

Kylo nodded.

”I suppose you don't do very well with surprises,” Hux frowned. ”I did spring it on you rather last minute.”

Kylo squeezed his hand. ”I want you. I want you here, I really, really do – but it's such a _mess,_ ” he sniffled. It felt like his heart was shattering in his chest, when Hux looked at him so sadly.

”I don't care, love. Honest,” Hux said softly. ”Showing up out of the blue – I should've asked.”

Kylo blew his nose instead of apoligizing, like he wanted to.

Hux was fidgeting on the bed. ”Would it be alright if I touch you?”

”Yeah. Yes. Please.”

Ever so gently, Hux raised his hands and cupped Kylo's face. He brushed his thumbs across the tops of Kylo's cheeks, catching the moisture there. Their heights were all wrong, but Kylo was hunched over enough for the position to be possible.

”Has this happened before?”

”A few times. Not a lot.”

Hux made a soft, pained sound. ”What did you do before?”

”Call my dad, I think. It's been a really long time.”

”Would you like to call him now? I don't mind.”

How Hux continued to be the most reassuring and helpful person Kylo had ever met – even when dealing with a face full of snot and way out of his depth – was baffling.

”No, it's fine, I'm fine, this is fine,” Kylo said, but Hux was already pulling Kylo's jacket close (with his foot, so he didn't have to leave Kylo).

Hux fished the phone out of the pocket and thumbed his way through Kylo's contacts. Han was listed as _Dad,_ so he'd easily find the right entry.

Hux paused for a moment, looking puzzled. ”Who's _Sir_?”

Then he recognized his own number.

”Oh.”

Kylo buried his face in his hands. ”I can explain that.”

Hux shook his head, silencing him. ”It doesn't matter. I'll go wait in the hallway and find a place that delivers. Something bland that won't upset your stomach. Talk to your da and come get me after, alright?” Hux phrased it like a question, but Kylo's phone was already ringing when he passed it to Kylo.

He cried again, when Han picked up.

But it helped, hearing his voice.

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo was exhausted when he went to get Hux from the hallway.

Hux was there in a heartbeat; before Kylo even had the time to call out for him.

”You alright?” Hux asked immediately.

”Better,” Kylo said and rubbed his eyes.

His sense of time was shot to hell at this point. Hux was holding a bag of food. He must've been on the phone for a lot longer than he'd thought; if Hux had the time to find a place _and_ recieve the delivery.

”I really don't mind leaving,” Hux offered again.

Kylo was tired. Much too tired to even think about panic attacks. He slipped his hand into Hux's and pulled him back into the apartment. ”I'd like for you to stay.”

Hux agreed softly. He didn't fight it when Kylo crawled into bed, and tugged Hux along with him.

Kylo had closed the windows while speaking to Han. The sweat on his skin had turned tacky and cold. Shivers were running down his arms every few minutes. Hux wasn't one to let such a minute detail go unnoticed, and helped Kylo wrap himself in his duvet, without being asked.

There was no way Kylo had made himself deserve such care. If he'd had any amount of water left in his body, he would've cried again.

Once settled, Hux carefully opened the bag of food he'd procured, and pulled out forks and chopsticks.

”I got us fried rice, I hope that's okay. Can you use chopsticks?”

Hux handed him a box of rice. It had a nice smell, but subtle. Kylo took the chopsticks on offer. He'd spent a summer being dragged all over Southeast Asia by some of his extended family, while Han and Leia tried to figure out their differences. As a result, Kylo was well versed in various eating utensils (and how to swear in a handful of languages).

Hux opted for a fork.

They ate in silence for a while.

Kylo wanted to apoligize for Hux's wrinkled clothes. And for being clingy. And for Hux having to witness one of the most stupid panic attacks Kylo had experienced in recent memory. And –

”This is surprisingly good,” Hux muttered.

Kylo looked into his container. He'd ate maybe half the contents without registering what it actually tasted like.

”I wasn't quite sure what to expect,” Hux elaborated. ”Cheap Asian food; it's either amazing or absolutely dreadful. This is alright.”

He made a noncommittal sound.

Hux rested his box on his thigh. He looked at Kylo searchingly. ”How are you feeling?”

Kylo shrugged. ”Tired, I think. But also not – bad? I've been worse. But also better.”

Hux put his food on the floor, committing fully to the conversation. ”I'm sorry that me being here made you feel unsafe.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. ”Is that the right word? Unsafe?”

Kylo looked at him, eyes wide. ”I mean. I– That's part of it, yeah, but– I don't feel unsafe. With you.”

”Can you tell me what it is, then?”

”Uncertain.” Kylo frowned into his rice, then nodded to himself. ”Yeah, that's– Uncertain is better.”

Hux took the box from his hands, deposited it on the floor, and laced their fingers.

”What is uncertain to you?” he asked. He still looked breathtaking, even in the shitty lighting in Kylo's apartment.

”I'm afraid that … seeing me– Seeing _this_ ,” Kylo gestured to the mess around them, ”would make you change your mind. Or finally see what a goddamn mess this is. What a mess _I_ am.”

”Kylo,” Hux breathed. His face had crumbled while Kylo was looking the other way. He looked heartbroken. ”Don't say that,” he whispered. ”How could you possibly think that?”

Swallowing thickly, Kylo touched Hux's slacks. ”You know what you look like, Hux. I've seen your place, your colleagues – I'm not like you. Not at all.”

”I don't want to date myself, Kylo! I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't like myself all that much.”

Kylo was certain he would've swallowed his own tongue, if it wasn't currently stuck to the roof of his mouth.

”I don't want anyone else, I want _you._ ”

Flustered, Kylo said, ”But, my dad– You told my dad– ”

”I was playing hard to get!” Hux cried out. ”Clearly, I should've just confessed it all, right then and there,” he added, under his breath.

_Was he crying again? His face felt wet._

Hux ran his hands through his hair, breathing deliberate and even. ”I want to take you out. On a date– A _proper_ date. Dinner neither of us can afford, awkward conversation over food we would never eat if we were alone, chaste unsatisfying kiss on the doorstep – all of that.”

Kylo had no idea what his face was doing, too shocked to control much of anything. ”Does it have to be chaste?” he thought out loud.

They gaped at each other for a long moment, before Hux laughed in disbelief.

”No, I guess you wouldn't want that; I'm saved in your phone as _Sir,_ you kinky little shite.”

Kylo was blushing profusely and hid his face in his hands. ”It made sense at the time, okay!”

”Come here, you,” Hux said, and unwound Kylo from his cocoon. He wrapped his skinny arms tightly around Kylo's neck, and pulled him out to kiss him.

Kylo was startled, the kiss turned out awkward and rushed – and absolutely perfect.

Hux lips were greasy from the food, Kylo couldn't breathe properly through his nose, the duvet was stuck betweem them, Kylo's hair was definitely stuck in the button on Hux's shirt cuff.

It was the best kiss Kylo had ever had.

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Hux had kissed him.

Hux had kissed him like he wanted him.

Hux had kissed him _goodnight._

  
  


–

  
  


Kylo had made it through the night, sleeping in fits and starts. And woke to a silent phone. No messages. It was late enough for Hux to have been up and around for hours. But there was no text.

At work, Kylo found himself, once again, unable to leave his phone in his locker, like he was supposed to.

Waking up to a message from Hux was so ingrained in him, he felt off for the rest of the day. Kylo was prone to catastrophic thinking. He was aware of doing it, but he couldn't seem to stop. The thoughts kept on coming.

He must have said something. Something Hux didn't like. Or maybe seeing Kylo having a panic attack made him realize Kylo was more trouble than he was worth. Kylo had never seen someone else have a panic attack, so he didn't know what it looked like. Was it a frightening sight? If it looked anything like it felt, it must've been horrifying.

Maybe he'd changed his mind about the date? Maybe he just said the thing about the date to make Kylo feel better?

If Hux no longer liked him, Kylo would have to do something. If Hux didn't want him anymore, how would he get his books? _Hux_ might be able to continue going to the bookstore, but Kylo sure as Hell wouldn't be able to work there. Not if it meant he had to see Hux regularly.

Clearly, Kylo had to quit his job.

Dopheld startled Kylo out of his thoughts.

”Kylo.”

”Y-yeah? Sorry. You were saying?”

”Do you need to get off the floor?” Doph asked, hands on his hips.

”No, no, I'm fine. This is fine.” Kylo looked over Doph's shoulder. The customers in the vicinity were eyeing him wearily.

”Did something happen?”

Kylo shook his head. ”No, I just– Had a rough night, I guess.”

Dopheld looked at him, intensely. ”You left with Hux, last night. Did he hurt you?”

Kylo gaped. ”What? No! No, he was perfectly fine.”

”You can tell me,” he said firmly. ”I'll kick his ass if he did.”

Kylo and Dopheld looked at each other, equally startled by the offer. Dopheld visibly steeled himself and didn't retract it.

”No, I– Thank you, but really, it's– ” Kylo swallowed. ”It's my anxiety. I'm not doing so good,” he muttered.

Dopheld nodded sympathetically. He let Kylo hide in the stockroom for the day.

Counting inventory was just mindless enough for Kylo to keep on spiraling. Clearly, Kylo must have done something wrong. Something Hux just couldn't get behind.

Maybe it had happened weeks ago and Hux had just been waiting for Kylo to do something unforgivable, something so bad, he didn't have to come up with an excuse to cut ties.

Dopheld tried to talk to him again, but Kylo brushed him off. Jessika tried as well, but with the holidays coming up, they didn't have much time to spare.

  
  


–

  
  


After more than a week of radio silence, Kylo was slowly losing his mind. He was running out of things to do in the stockroom and was starting to contemplate how to convince his mom to give him his uncle's phone number. Surely, uncle Luke must have room for him in his … tent? Hut? Last time he'd heard from his uncle, he was somewhere in the Middle East, trying to find himself.

His dad would understand. Hopefully.

Or maybe he should just call his mom; ask if he could come live with her, in the city. Possibly change his name again. Maybe dye his hair.

”Kylo!”

Kylo startled and dropped a box of pens. The box wasn't closed properly and the pens went flying, scattering all over the floor.

”What?” he called back.

”Need you at the register!” Jessika called, moments before the door slammed shut.

Kylo looked at the pens and sighed heavily. He stepped around the pens and grabbed the doorhandle.

He paused.

Instead of opening the door, he leaned his head against it and breathed for a moment. He pulled off his glasses and stuck them on his collar.

 _Just keep breathing,_ he told himself and turned the handle.

There were no windows in the stockroom and the bright sunlight in the store momentarily blinded him. Kylo tried to blink away the bright white spots in his eyes. ”What,” he said as he rubbed his eyes.

A pause, and then –

”Hello, Kylo.”

Kylo startled, bumping into the counter quite violently at the sound of his voice. Kylo looked blearily at Jessika, who eyed him.

Hux was there. In the store. Smiling at him.

”You look like shit,” Kylo blurted, making Hux laugh. The laugh instantly turned into a coughing fit. A painful one, judging by the sound of it.

”In that case, I look better than I feel,” Hux croaked. He was wearing his nice coat, but was dressed in sweats underneath. ”I have the flu,” he sniffled.

Even through several days worth of beard, Hux looked gaunt and miserable. His eyes were red and irritated; the red making his eyes appear brilliantly green.

Hux rubbed his nose on his sleeve. ”'M sorry I haven't been in touch.”

”Why aren't you in bed?”

”I'm out of food,” Hux sniffled into his handkerchief. ”I'm on my way to the store. Thought I might as well stop by, see if you were here. I can't look at my phone at the moment. The screen makes my brain hurt.”

Kylo frowned. ”I can do that. You should be in bed.”

Hux sniffled at him for a moment, before sneezing so hard he had to bend over and grab his knees. ”I'm fine,” he grunted.

”Hux. Go home,” Kylo said. ”Please.”

Hux straightened back up and squinted at him.

”I get off in, like, two hours. Tell me what to get and I'll come by after work,” he said softly.

”You don't have to do that,” Hux sighed. He looked dead on his feet.

”I want to.”

  
  


–

  
  


Armed with Hux's tote bags and a list, hastily scribbled on the back of a receipt, Kylo ventured to the grocery store.

He held Hux's bags close to his chest, while dragging a cart behind him. Hux's list was nothing but bland, soft stuff. Oats, bread, bananas, tea, honey. He had told Kylo to get creative, which was a challenge. Kylo didn't really cook himself. He subsisted on sandwiches and ready made meals.

Kylo perused the produce for a while, poking and squeezing here and there, to see what was soft. Hux probably wasn't eating a whole lot, so Kylo didn't get much more than what was on the list.

He swung by the candy aisle on his way to the register. He'd seen some of the sweets Hux kept on hand, when he'd been at Hux's apartment.

It was hard not to feel like an idiot. All the things he'd been worrying about for the past week, seemed to have been for naught. That was the worst part about the catastrophic thoughts; Kylo always felt dumb afterwards.

They'd talked about it a lot in therapy. Not that Kylo wanted to, but his therapist said it was important. He wasn't broken or wrong – he was ill. Mental illness didn't always make sense, and that was ok. _He_ was ok.

Acceptance was the hardest part.

A bag of Werther's and a chocolate bar later, Kylo shuffled to the register.

  
  


–

  
  


When Hux answered the door, he looked a bit better. His hair was no longer greasy, the ends were dark and damp. He must've taken a shower when he got home.

”You really didn't have to do this,” Hux said, as he let Kylo inside.

”But I wanted to,” Kylo said.

Hux looked tired and worn down. ”Thank you.”

Kylo nudged him toward the sofa and offered to put the groceries away.

”Just put them on the worktop,” Hux said and curled up on the sofa.

The whole apartment showed signs of Hux being sick. Most surfaces were cluttered with tissues and mugs.

In the kitchen, Kylo moved the dirty dishes into stacks, making room for the food. He stuck his head around the door.

”Want some tea?”

”That would be lovely, thank you.”

Kylo smiled. He had to rinse out a mug while the kettle was boiling, but he didn't mind. Hux said he didn't need to, but he might as well. He opened up the cupboards and put the groceries away.

The bedroom door was open, and Kylo could see into the room from the kitchen. The bed was a mess, blankets and sheets twisted together, half of them lying on the floor.

”Hey, Hux? Do you have spare bedding?” He called, while pouring water over the teabag.

”Yeah, why?”

Kylo took the mug to Hux in the living room.

”I'm changing your sheets.”

”You most certainly are not!” Hux said hoarsely, doing his best to keep the tea from spilling into his lap.

”I am. Stay here,” Kylo said and tucked the blankets in around Hux's legs and hips. He looked cross, but was too lethargic to fight him.

Hux sighed. ”They're in the wardrobe.”

Kylo was careful not to slip on a blanket corner and headed into the bedroom. He'd never been in Hux's bedroom before.

The first task was opening the window. Kylo gently moved a plant aside and opened the window, letting the frigid air rush in around him. Hux had a nice bed. It was big, the frame looked second hand.

Pulling off the bedding was easy enough. The smell of stale sweat clung to the sheets, but it wasn't unbearable. A stray tee shirt had found its way under one of the pillows. Curious, Kylo shook it out. He was greeted by the familiar face of Jane Doe. It was an old, worn thing. Must have been black, once upon a time.

The shirt was tossed in the laundry basket, along with the bedding. Kylo dug out the fresh bedding from the top shelf of the closet. Hux couldn't see him from his spot on the sofa, so Kylo allowed himself to snoop a little.

The closet was half neat order, half chaos. All the beautiful suits hung neatly on hangers. There were a few Kylo hadn't seen before. The button up shirts were neatly folded on a shelf. Kylo ran his fingers down the stack, taking in all the lovely patterns. Hux had a lot of subtle florals.

It was easy to tell what clothes Hux cared about. All his sweats, jeans, and tee shirts were shoved onto the shelves, with no rhyme or reason. Apparently Hux didn't care to keep up the act in his own home.

Kylo closed the closet and went to the task at hand.

While struggling with getting the sheet into place, Kylo wondered why taking care of other people was so easy, when taking care of himself was so hard.

The sound of Hux's blowing his nose reached Kylo and he laughed a little. The bedside table was cluttered with more mugs and tissues.

”You didn't have to shower just because I was coming by, you know,” he called out.

Hux coughed before he replied. ”I vomited for three days. Showering was the decent thing to do, trust me.”

The bed looked somewhat decent, so Kylo decided he was done. He closed the window, and shuffled back into the living room. Hux was lying down, taking up the whole sofa.

Kylo sank into the armchair, pulling his legs up onto the seat.

Hux was very obviously sick, but he still looked good, to Kylo. He'd slung a skinny arm across his eyes and was breathing slowly.

”I'm really sorry about not texting you. Or calling.”

”Don't worry about it,” Kylo said, softly.

”I told you I would, though.” Hux pulled his arm back a little, peering up at him.

Kylo shrugged a little. ”You were sick. That's a valid excuse.”

”Mm,” Hux closed his eyes. ”Wanted to ask about the sir thing.”

Kylo groaned, ”Oh god, please, don't.”

”Ask might be the wrong word,” Hux laughed. His voice sounded rough, like he was on the verge of coughing. ”Tease you might be a better choice of words.”

Kylo sunk further into the cushions, but couldn't help but smile.

”Is it something you're into?”

”I don't know,” he said to his knees. ”It just … came out. I guess it just– Felt right.”

When Hux didn't say anything, Kylo raised his head, looking at him over his knees. Hux was smiling tiredly.

”If it makes you feel better, I think it's sweet.”

Kylo knew his cheeks were burning. ”Aren't you too sick for this conversation?”

”Oh, shush,” Hux waved him off. ”I left the house today. I showered. Sure, I had to sit down halfway through, but i persevered!”

Biting his lip, Kylo pondered his options.

”If you let me help you get into bed, I promise I'll talk about it the next time I see you.”

Hux squinted, brows furrowed sceptically. ”You promise?”

Kylo nodded.

”You'll answer anything I ask?”

”That's not at all what I said,” Kylo laughed. ”The sir thing! You can ask about that, and I'll answer.”

Hux heaved a sigh and threw off his blanket. ”I'll take it.”

Kylo unfolded himself from the armchair and took Hux's outstretched hand, pulling him to his feet. Hux allowed him to take most of his weight, and steer him into the bedroom. Kylo got him under the covers and tucked him in, nice and snug.

”I hope I don't get you sick.”

”I'll be fine,” Kylo said.

Hux took a hold of Kylo's wrist, pulling him closer. ”Thank you. For this and– ”

Kylo looked a bit startled, but let Hux hold on to him.

”I'm really happy I met you.”

”Do you have a fever?” Frowning, Kylo moved to touch his forehead, but Hux batted him away.

”I'm trying to be honest here, give me a moment to get my words right.”

Kylo bit his lip and sat gingerly by Hux's hip.

He took a deep breath and locked eyes with Kylo. ”This … _thing_ we have? It means a lot to me. You keep going out of your way for me. I– It means a lot to me.”

”For fucks sake, Hux,” Kylo whined and hid in his one free hand; Hux was still holding the other tightly.

”If you want to leave, you can, but I needed you to know that.” He let Kylo's wrist slip from his fingers.

”I– I don't know how to respond to, to this. I need to, I need to leave, so I'm gonna go do that,” Kylo said in a rush, and stood up. He wiped his hands on his jeans and just stared at Hux for a moment. ”I definitely need to leave – but I'll call you! Or something! I'll … I need to leave.”

He didn't run, but it was a near thing. He was in such a rush to leave, he had to pause by his bike and tie his shoes and zip up his jacket.

Halfway home, he started smiling. He was grinning by the time he made it home.

 

 

 

 


End file.
